Preparing 1st day- Lots of Tears

[south5]

Today was our 1st day in Preparing and it went ok. We have had worse school days, but we have also had much better. When it came to the Independent work is where we had tears. I told him he was responsible for reading and following directions on his own. He drew the plants in Independent History and then read the book for Science, but he copied Genesis 8:22 onto the paper with the plants. I had showed him the seperate notebooks before he started, and I even wrote Genesis 8:22 on the top of the science one. I made him erase all of the handwriting and start over on the correct paper. Then, he copied the map and shaded it with his pencil instead of coloring it blue. I made him erase that part of the map and redo it.

Would you have just let the map part go? We have this problem with him in obeying us as well. If I tell him to put his clothes away, he only obeys part of the way. He puts his clothes away in the closet, but not in the right drawers. I saw it as an issue that he needs to read the directions and follow them completely.

[LynnH]

I did Preparing last year with my 10 year old and honestly he wasn't totally independent with the independent boxes until at least half way through the year. It was a learning process. At first I talked him through it and showed him how he needed to pay attention to all the directions and even used my finger to point out the next step. I also handed him which notebook he used at first. After just a few weeks he knew the sequence of things better and got his own notebooks out and put them in the order he was going to do them. Carrie often reminded me last year that if they could do everything on their own at the beginning that maybe the guide was too easy for them. It really should be a process where your end goal is for the independence. This year he is doing CTC that required him to step up the independence and I am finding that the things he could do by himself last year he does fine on, but the new stuff we are back to square one again until he figures out what is expected of him.

[annaz]

I did those boxes with my dd for the first week and a half as if it wasn't independent. Then I gave it to her to do while I did other things, but I read the directions over with her and got her the books and paper. Today, she did it on her own.

Baby steps.

[juliekay]

We have this problem with him in obeying us as well. If I tell him to put his clothes away, he only obeys part of the way. He puts his clothes away in the closet, but not in the right drawers. I saw it as an issue that he needs to read the directions and follow them completely.

Might I suggest that this also is a typical first-born trait! I am a first born. My first born has this same problem! It's a personality "problem" that we need to work at all the time. I don't think it's done necessarily purposefully, nonetheless, it needs correction. This type of personality sees the "big picture" or the end goal. They usually also have a dominant personality so they will choose to get to the end result their way versus the given instruction. (Very irritating to dominant parents! ) My now 13 year old will use a highlighter pen when he reads his given tasks. Sometimes he needs to read it aloud. This slows him down in order to take in all the details.

It sounds like it was a hard lesson to learn today, but at 10 years old he's probably ready to suffer those consequences one time in order to not do it again...Maybe not the first day of school , but you're boss. I applaud you for keeping him accountable and on task. It's a hard thing for those of us with this personality. We do this sort of thing all day long, so you'll just have to choose your battles with "us"!

[Tansy]

Is he the kind of kid who willfully put the clothing away in the wrong drawer just to get negative attention or does he really forget where they go..

If its negative attention seeking we use all sort of techniques instead of punishment per se clothing in wrong drawers child would have to fix it or fix the labels on drawers. I'm perfectly content to let you put them where u want them as long as they are neat..
Or they have to sing a silly song and make you laugh. Turning it around to be positive.
And Affection affection affection...

We also made a control list. You sit down with child and say these are things you control. My body, my teeth, my clothing.. showing them what in their life they do really control. Then if its a control issue this helps if not its just an exercise.

as for the Instructions who was it that 7 habits author says it takes 3 weeks to delegate a job. So if after 3 weeks of you walking him though and making him redo etc... Not improving then I would seek help from the principal... aka daddy!

[kiloyd]

We had a tough day with Preparing too, it was our first day. I'm only doing half days for this week to ease into it.

[south5]

Thanks Ladies! I am also a 1st born and I do want things done exactly my way, I try to recognize when I do this and give some leeway. He disobeys not out of forgetting or from wanting negative attention, but when he thinks that what I told him to do is not important. For example today in Science he did not think it was important to go get a blue colored pencil and color the Tundra blue, when he could easily just shade it in with his pencil. Also, in the Independent History portion when he thought that all he had to do was draw, he skipped the reading portion on pg4-5 because he didn't think he needed to read it. It did not come into play until I started asking him questions about the reading.
I think some of the issue is that we took last week off of school and so we have to get back into the groove of things. This child has always hated school and anything to do with school no matter how fun I have tried to make it. He started the morning off badly in Math.

I will guide him more in the Independent boxes and work our way up to being "totally" independent. He is in 5th grade, so being on the higher end I expected him to start off on his own.

[Tansy]

I have girls and they love the you have a bad attitude now you have to pay the penalty "sing I'm a little teapot."

I think you do need to give him a bit of time to learn to follow instructions..
but I also would gently point out if its not important because you said so there might be a bigger issue in his heart.

Some times I have to let my dd1 and 2 fail so they see ohhh wait that so didn't work for me.. then ask the question Ok How'd that work out for you today...

[Tree House Academy]

I am doing CTC with my 11 year old this year and these past three weeks, there have been times that I had to go back and make him re-do things. I think it is all part of laying out your expectations. My son isn't happy when he has to re-do something, but he is learning very quickly what I will and will not accept as a 6th grader's work. I am seeing more effort from him this week than any other week so far...and I am also seeing his immediate understanding of having to re-do something that he KNOWS he didn't give his best effort on.

If I were you, I would set the expectations now based on his age and grade and stick with them. I am not suggesting you let nothing slide...but there comes a time when you have to teach them to meet expectations and the time when they become independent is the BEST time to do that, IMO. Hang in there!

[Tree House Academy]

I am doing CTC with my 11 year old this year and these past three weeks, there have been times that I had to go back and make him re-do things. I think it is all part of laying out your expectations. My son isn't happy when he has to re-do something, but he is learning very quickly what I will and will not accept as a 6th grader's work. I am seeing more effort from him this week than any other week so far...and I am also seeing his immediate understanding of having to re-do something that he KNOWS he didn't give his best effort on.

If I were you, I would set the expectations now based on his age and grade and stick with them. I am not suggesting you let nothing slide...but there comes a time when you have to teach them to meet expectations and the time when they become independent is the BEST time to do that, IMO. Hang in there!