Balancing time with friends and school

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Candice
Posts: 831
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:48 pm
Location: Southern California

Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Candice » Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:34 pm

Hi everyone!

I would love some input from the great women here.
I am finding that I am struggling most in my homeschool with balancing my dd's play/friend time with our need to get schoolwork done on a consistent basis. I typically cave and let my dd play if her friend across the street knocks on the door (she is homeschooled also), if a friend calls to meet at the park or whatever.
Just wondering how you balance school with opportunities with play with friends. What are your definite priorities? How often do you set aside time with friends for your kiddos? How much play time is enough to have a balanced and happy homeschool as well as enough social time for your kiddos, in your opinion?

Thank you!

Candice :D

lmercon
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Location: Zieglerville, PA

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by lmercon » Tue Dec 15, 2009 4:06 pm

I work on Thursdays, so my kids are with my mom. After school in the morning on Thursdays, my ds's hsed cousin comes over for a few hours. Every Friday afternoon is his play date with his best bud who is also hsed. We take turns hosting the play date. He looks forward to it all week. I would suggest that you set up some kind of scheduled weekly play time, rather than willy-nilly play times that may not coincide with your school goals. As a treat, you could allow her to have her friend over for an extended amount of time or for a sleepover.
hth,
Laura
Wife to a great guy and mommy to:
Ds(15) - using WG and loving it!
Dd(11) - using Res.to Ref and having a blast!
Ds (3) - our joy!
Two little ones in the arms of Jesus - I can't wait to hold you in Heaven!

my3sons
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 7:08 pm
Location: South Dakota

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by my3sons » Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:50 pm

We have Friday afternoons set aside as playtime with the cousins, but it doesn't necessarily happen every Friday (if someone is sick, out of town, doing something as a family instead, etc.) it's a no go. We've found this to be enough for our dc, but we have 3 dc that consider each other their best friends. For those with an only child, I can see how more time may be needed.

I had a similar problem the last few years, though it was not with friends. My problem was the phone. My family (including my dh, my dear sisters, mother, father, mother-in-law, aunt, sister-in-laws, friends, etc.) would call in the mornings during my homeschooling time. I would think I could quickly answer the phone and get back to teaching. You can see by the sheer amount of people I'm talking about here that this wasn't a good idea and resulted in me being short with the kids, feeling stressed, etc. So, at the beginning of this year, I kindly told all of them (with the exception of my dh) that I would not be answering the phone in the morning because we needed to be homeschooling and it was causing too many interruptions. For the most part, everyone handled it fairly well. It didn't stop all of them from calling, and sometimes a few disgruntled people would leave messages to the effect "I know you're in there but I guess you're too busy to talk... I just needed this one thing quickly". I sometimes have caved in and answered only to really regret it because it added stress to the day that just wasn't necessary. For example, a few days ago, someone wanted my help editing a Christmas letter. I made myself not pick up the phone, finished school, and called her back in the afternoon. Turns out that worked out fine anyway - the letter still hasn't been sent. We're just all too used to being able to reach a person immediately, but the truth is, most of the time that immediate response is not truly needed and actually prevents us from doing what we really wanted or needed to be doing in the first place. When I stick to this, and I really have about 95% of the time the last 3 months, things go great!

I think I'd let your dd's mom know that you need to do school from ___ to ____ time each day, and that you are letting everyone know that during these times, dd and you will be unavailable to everyone with the exception of your dh. Then stick to it, and soon they'll learn to call you or stop any of the other many times of the day instead. HTH - I understand your dilemma here, but if she's a true friend, she'll be respectful of your wishes and understand that school is very important to you. :wink:

In Christ,
Julie
Enjoyed LHTH to USII
Currently using USI
Wife to Rich for 28 years
Mother to 3 sons, ages 23, 20, and 16
Sister to Carrie

Candice
Posts: 831
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:48 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Candice » Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:24 pm

Laura,

Thank you. It makes perfect sense to have the scheduled playtime as opposed to the willy-nilly whenever playtime, as you mentioned. I need to make a schedule and be diligent about sticking to it, even though my daughter can be relentless about having time with her friend.


Julie,

Thank you for sharing your experiences and the solutions you came up with to keep your homeschool in good running condition. I see how imperative it is to draw some boundaries in order to keep things rolling in a productive manner. I think that I am so good at being a pushover and letting our main priorities take the back seat. I see that some changes are in order because things really are not working that well as they are.

Thank you both sharing!

Candice :D

Busymomma1
Posts: 231
Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 1:57 pm
Location: Ohio

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Busymomma1 » Thu Dec 17, 2009 11:00 am

Similar to others, I've made it a priority that the morning is HS time. The problem I had was someone occasionally asking me to babysit. I felt a little guilty at 1st about declining, but then came to the conclusion that hs'ing my kids is MY job. No one would ask me to babysit if I was heading off to the office! ha! So I had to kindly inform them that I could not babysit in the mornings, nor certain afternoons, and that if they needed me, I could be available at such and such times. This worked for me, because then I had a policy, and I wasn't playing favorites, etc. I think this is the same way when it comes to playtime. Just have a schedule and be diligent about it. If your dd knows there will be set play times, perhaps it can be an encouragement to her to finish her work first, and she'll have something to spur her on, as well as something to look forward to.

Hope you land on a good solution!
Tricia
Married for 14 great years!
Mom to DD (10)
DS #1 (9)
DS #2 (6)

my3sons
Posts: 10698
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 7:08 pm
Location: South Dakota

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by my3sons » Thu Dec 17, 2009 11:28 am

Candice - I hope you are feeling better about all of this now. You are such a wonderful mom - I hope you know this is something we all struggle with in some way, shape, or form. I also agree with what Tricia just said - I've come to view this as my job as well, and I guard my time with it as such. If we view it this way, others begin to as well, and hopefully some of our struggles with this diminish. I was just thinking of you and your kind heart this morning, and hoping you know you are totally not alone in this. :D

In Christ,
Julie
Enjoyed LHTH to USII
Currently using USI
Wife to Rich for 28 years
Mother to 3 sons, ages 23, 20, and 16
Sister to Carrie

Candice
Posts: 831
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:48 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Candice » Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:44 pm

Tricia,

Thank you. I agree that homeschooling should be treated as my job, my priority. After all, these are my kiddos I am talking about!
I have a basic schedule planned right now, I am working on refining it to meet our needs at this point in time. I really like the idea of having playtime be earned by finishing our duties first. I am sure my dd will accept a more structured day and she will likely end up enjoying it as well! She can often be found asking me, "what are we doing tomorrow?" Now I can refer to our schedule! :D

Julie,

Thank you for being such an encouraging voice and such an inspiration as well. Kind words and support go such a long way. :D
As much as I hate to admit it, I find that I need periodic encouragement to keep me moving in the right direction. I have talked about scheduling for quite some time and have never followed through. I am actually excited to have a basic plan in place that we can follow so that I know our priorities are taken care. Its fun and carefree being a "Betty" most times but, I see now that I will have to welcome some "Olive" tendencies when it comes to getting school done! :D

Thanks again, ladies!

Candice :D

Carrie
Site Admin
Posts: 8125
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 8:39 pm

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Carrie » Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:14 pm

Candice,

The ladies have done a great job of offering suggestions and some ideas to ponder. I love this board and its encouraging tone! :D It is a rare thing to find on the internet today! :D

I also wanted to share that in my early years of homeschooling I was not very structured either. It's surprising, because I usually am such a planner, but after years and years of public school teaching I was thrilled not to have to be so structured at home. :lol: As the years have passed, I've become a bit more structured each year.

Now that I have a child on the verge of high school and have more kiddos to school, I've had to become more structured. But, keep in mind this is my 10th year of homeschooling (and my 21st year as an educator). :wink: I share this to let you know that structure and a schedule is often something that you grow into as the need arises. :D So, you're not alone!

Blessings,
Carrie

water2wine
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Joined: Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:24 pm
Location: GA

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by water2wine » Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:52 pm

We have this problem during the summer because we tend to start later and go longer than others. I tell people we are not done until 2 or 3 whatever it is. If someone comes to the door I just tell them we are not done yet and to come back at 2 and they would love to play with them. Kids are usually pretty good about that. Most of the kids on the street are ps. We have some hsed friends and those are always more understanding where that is usually not too much of an issue. So bottom line is I find just being happy they came but saying can we do it later really works. The kids come back or I send my kids to go get them. I tend to be the mom on the block with more limits though so the kids on the street know that. :lol:

I know how you feel though really wanting to foster those relationships and you do not want you kids to miss out. I feel that too. But in all honesty if school gets messed up I tend to not do so well with that. Sometimes we make rare exceptions for special things. Fridays can be optional or I can squeeze things together but for the most part I just reschedule it for later. :D
Last edited by water2wine on Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children. Isaiah 54:13
~Six lovies from God~4 by blessing of adoption
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Candice
Posts: 831
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:48 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Candice » Sun Dec 20, 2009 6:52 pm

Carrie & W2W,


Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom, experience, and encouragement!
I appreciate it very much. :D

Candice :D

pamh
Posts: 71
Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 9:16 am

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by pamh » Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:02 pm

Hi Candice,

You are the sweetest person and knowing you even with a schedule, if we need you, you would drop a schedule in a moment! Ladies, Candice, really is "AWESOME!"

I've only been homeschooling for 2 years and every day we seem to tweak our schedules but one thing I'm really learning (it takes a while to sink in ;P ) is after chores in the morning, we start off with PE. Our public school starts with PE first and it helps the kids burn their energy, so I decided to give it a go. So, the boys and I either bring out the scooters or bikes and go for a walk. My youngest is 4 and he's always asking to go for a bike ride. So once the bike ride is out of the way, both boys are willing to do what I ask. It works out great for our family!

Candice, you're great at all you do and a HUGE to help to many of us in the homeschooling world! Ladies, you'd love her "library" of resources as our dear friend is a curriculum "junkie!" Which is a huge help to me because if I'm curious about a curriculum product, Candice, either has it or has thoroughly researched it!!!! Love you friend!

Pam

funkmomma71
Posts: 373
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 1:54 pm
Location: Las Vegas, NV

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by funkmomma71 » Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:17 pm

Candice,

You've had a bunch of advice given to you but I have one more thing I wnated share, concerning the neighborhood kids knocking on your door. This was either posted here or on another message board, use a flag(or sign) posted by your front door that lets others know whether school is in session or done for the day. I haven't implemented this yet, but I may have to, especially when we are schooling in the summer or when the ps has days off and the children in my neighborhood coming knocking! My dd is pretty popular in our neighborhood and there is rarely a day that goes by that someone doesn't coming asking her to come out and play, I may have to use something like this at dinnertime, too. So far, my dd is cool about finishing scholl before playing, but who knows when or if that may change. So this idea is in my idea storage vault, where good ideas go for the day that I need them. HTH

Nancy
Nancy
Mommy and teacher to
Dd 12 and DS 8
Doing MTMM & Preparing 2016-2017

Candice
Posts: 831
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:48 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Candice » Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:41 pm

pamh wrote:Hi Candice,

You are the sweetest person and knowing you even with a schedule, if we need you, you would drop a schedule in a moment! Ladies, Candice, really is "AWESOME!"
Pam

Pam, you're a hoot! :D

I am thinking that part of the problem is that I *would* drop my schedule in a moment and that is what interferes with consistency!
Actually, I have made some great changes that include a rough daily schedule of our commitments and activities as well as prioritizing and following through even if things come up. I was just too flexible with our daily obligations and it just wasn't working.

My daughter thinks that it is pretty cool to "have a schedule". Turns out she really likes knowing what is planned and what she can expect during different times of the day.
I have always considered myself a relaxed and casual person and I have come to find out that being too relaxed as far as schooling and household duties was actually stressing me out in many ways. I am really enjoying different ways to be structured and task oriented. I actually think it's pretty cool to have a schedule too. :D

Candice :D

Candice
Posts: 831
Joined: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:48 pm
Location: Southern California

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by Candice » Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:47 pm

funkmomma71 wrote:Candice,

You've had a bunch of advice given to you but I have one more thing I wnated share, concerning the neighborhood kids knocking on your door. This was either posted here or on another message board, use a flag(or sign) posted by your front door that lets others know whether school is in session or done for the day. I haven't implemented this yet, but I may have to, especially when we are schooling in the summer or when the ps has days off and the children in my neighborhood coming knocking! My dd is pretty popular in our neighborhood and there is rarely a day that goes by that someone doesn't coming asking her to come out and play, I may have to use something like this at dinnertime, too. So far, my dd is cool about finishing scholl before playing, but who knows when or if that may change. So this idea is in my idea storage vault, where good ideas go for the day that I need them. HTH

Nancy

Nancy, I think this is a wonderful idea! We now have a set time in place that school will take place but, I know that sometimes we have to shift our school time around for one reason or another. I think the flag/sign idea is perfect to let the friends know that we are busy for the time being.
I know when I mention it to my daughter she will want to create the sign herself. It will be fun to see what she comes up with!
Thanks for sharing a neat and very helpful idea. :D

Candice :D

mommyofgirls
Posts: 123
Joined: Mon May 04, 2009 6:29 pm

Re: Balancing time with friends and school

Post by mommyofgirls » Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:58 am

Hi Candice!
i haven't had time to read through the entirety of this thread, but one thing i would say is that you should be thankful you have neighborhood friends who are home during the day! i'm sure this can be inconvenient at times, but my dd is always saying in the afternoons in the Springtime, "When will they be home??" :roll: :lol:

and i agree with whoever said you are not alone in this. we ALL have things that come up to interrupt our homeschool, and it is certainly okay to break the rules every once in a while...it is probably only a problem if the interruption becomes the rule rather than the exception. :D

i've been so busy with moving, etc., that our schedule is WAY off, so i'm looking forward to starting back and even tweaking several things. schedules can be fun! unfortunately, being a Betty, sometimes i find it is more fun to MAKE the schedule than it is to STICK to the schedule! :lol: i have found, though, that some type of structure definitely helps with behavior, etc at our house.

my own personal struggle is getting involved in too many things (they aren't going to schoool, so we have to do soccor for pe.e! and dance! and gymnastics! and pottery (she isn't taking art at school!) i struggle with "how much is too much?" anywho, you are definitely not alone, and i agree that you are a curriculum junkie, but you now have a wealth of information for the rest of us! (and, let's be honest...i have a little more than i need as well. :oops: :P :lol: )
Wife to my wonderful husband for 8 years
dd5 - LHFHG, Abeka phonics, Horizons math
dd3 - LHTH
dd1 - bringing me Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? and sitting in my lap :)

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