Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

This is where new posts begin. All questions or discussions about any of Heart of Dakota's curriculums start here. If you wish to share a one-time post about your family's experience with our curriculum, you may post under the specific curriculum title (found beneath this "Main Board" heading).
tmcg
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:47 pm

Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by tmcg » Sat Aug 15, 2009 5:34 pm

Hello HOD Moms,
I am looking for moms who may be in my area to do a local Home School Group to get together for group classes for part of the year, do a few field trips, support one another and pray each other's families. If there is no one local enough to get together, it would be nice to know about home school events in our area and it would be nice to inform each other of these activities. Could you please let me know if you are an upstate New Yorker?

Blessings,
Tammy
Married to Jonathan, 12 yrs.
DD, 7 yo, Beyond & DITHOR 2/3
DD, 5 yo, Little Hearts, Primary Math 1A/1B
DS, 3 yo, Little Hands & BFIAR

eazbnsmom
Posts: 364
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:02 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by eazbnsmom » Sat Aug 15, 2009 5:39 pm

Hi Tammy,

I no longer live upstate NY (spent a year there). Have you checked out the LEAH website for local support groups? I think that is how I found mine at the time. http://www.leah.org/support.php?d=2. It would be awesome to find other local HOD'ers here too! :D
Kay in PA

Mom to dd12, dd11, ds9, ds7 & ds3 1/2


BHFHG with dss 7&9 and dd11

tmcg
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:47 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by tmcg » Sat Aug 15, 2009 11:20 pm

Yes, I am a member of 2 LEAH groups. The problem is I just don't feel a connection with most of the folks there. There are a few nice people but nobody makes the effort to reach out. I just went to HS picnic today for one of them and hardly anyone spoke to our family. The leader did not even say hi and I call her occasionally. The lady who was hosting it at her house didn't say hi either. I am usually an outgoing person, but I just felt out of place, despite attending group classes and teaching a class. Our other group, is much bigger and we have a similar issue. We cannot attend group classes there for scheduling reasons and their monthly dinners often because of the kids' health reasons, so we started attending this new group. I guess not everyone has the gift of hospitality but when I host an event, I make an effort to talk to everyone, even if it is only briefly. Not to mention I try to introduce them to those they don't know.

Soooo, I was thinking there have to be other people out there who feel the same way or are looking for a group and I would be able to get something going to help provide a better environment. I also would like my children to have some friends. They went to the group classes and didn't make any friends....they attended together but never built any relationships. I think part of this is becuase of the parents. I also have a problem with parents who do not attend to or watch their children or who bring sick kids to the lessons. I think that a leader should set out expectations to address these issues before they come up...I have seen group guidelines in other places. Don't get me wrong, some of these folks are nice, but they are not always friendly or make the effort like they should. In all honesty, the children talked more to me than the parents!

So, not to vent my frustrations....and I do appreciate your suggestion becuase it does seem like a logical solution....unfortunately, I am feeling a bit lonely these days. I don't personally know anyone in my state who uses HOD, either. It seems socialization is not a problem for the kids but the parents lack the skills instead. Bummer.

Tammy

eazbnsmom
Posts: 364
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:02 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by eazbnsmom » Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:33 am

Tammy,

I am so sorry you feel this way. I am surprised no one made an effort. I can understand why you feel disconnected. Praying you find a true homeschooling family (or several) to connect with (HOD'ers would be even better.) ;)
Last edited by eazbnsmom on Sun Aug 16, 2009 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Kay in PA

Mom to dd12, dd11, ds9, ds7 & ds3 1/2


BHFHG with dss 7&9 and dd11

3sweeties
Posts: 430
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2009 9:00 am
Location: GA

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by 3sweeties » Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:52 pm

Hi Tammy,

(((HUGS))) I have also had times lately where I feel lonely as a homeschool mom. The HS group I belong to is overall a great group, but we haven't been able to come to very many activities b/c many times they are during the baby's nap time, so the times I do go I feel a little bit "out of it" and like everyone already has their established friends. I understand and know how that feels! :( Praying God brings a few families your way!!!
Jessica~married to my sweetie for 21 years!
[DS17]~U.S. HISTORY 2~2019-20
[DS14]-World Geography~2019-20
[DD12]~ RTR, DITHOR 6-8~2019-20
[DS9]~Bigger~2019-20
Enjoyed LHFHG, Beyond, Bigger, Preparing, CTC, RTR, RevtoRev, MTMM, WORLD GEOG, WORLD HIST, US HIST 1~LOVING HOD!

momof2n2
Posts: 273
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:54 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by momof2n2 » Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:57 pm

"Upstate NY," describes a VERY large region. Where are you located? We belong to PCC LEAH and do many activities with Charity LEAH, as well.
I will not attack a previous poster for her poor choice of words, but I will counter her sentiment to say I find the LEAH groups and activities in our area phenomenal.
Do you live in an area you could take part in HIS Sports? Perhaps you could arrange a field trip to someplace that interests you and meets a HOD-activity you are doing, and then open it up to families in your LEAH group or groups. You would draw out people with some similar interests and perhaps similarly aged kids. LEAH groups are not service organizations, though. They are servant organizations. Perhaps the groups you have visited have lost that understanding.

Fall 2015
DS 17 -gr.12 full time college student
DS 15- gr. 10 favorites from World Geo and World Hx.
DD 13- gr. 8 Rev to Rev
DD 11- gr. 6 CTC
DD 7 - gr. 2 Beyond
DD 4 - pre-K Rod & Staff and Phonics Pathways

tmcg
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:47 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by tmcg » Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:20 pm

momof2n2 wrote:"Upstate NY," describes a VERY large region. Where are you located? We belong to PCC LEAH and do many activities with Charity LEAH, as well.
I will not attack a previous poster for her poor choice of words, but I will counter her sentiment to say I find the LEAH groups and activities in our area phenomenal.
Do you live in an area you could take part in HIS Sports? Perhaps you could arrange a field trip to someplace that interests you and meets a HOD-activity you are doing, and then open it up to families in your LEAH group or groups. You would draw out people with some similar interests and perhaps similarly aged kids. LEAH groups are not service organizations, though. They are servant organizations. Perhaps the groups you have visited have lost that understanding.
We are on the west side of Rochester, NY. PCC LEAH is about 45 minutes from us (my brother-in-law used to go to that church). I looked into Charity but the classes would be about the same distance and I was hoping for a group that did not have a focus on field trips because in the winter we cannot go on group activities much.

Two of my three children have a genetic condition and do not produce adequate white blood cells making them susceptible to infections. We can no longer go to Strong's Museum of Play b/c my daughter acquired a "superbug" resistant to most antibiotics last November and it took her over a month to get better after 4 antibiotics and finally she had to be put on an antibiotic that is not approved for children b/c nothing was helping her. This was very serious (which I can say with confidence b/c I am a nurse practitioner)......she had blisters on her ear drums and needed ibuprofen and Tylenol around the clock for her temp was at least 103. They need to be treated like children who are receiving chemotherapy. My oldest daughter (adopted) also has a genetic condition which inhibits her blood clotting....does not 'cause' her to bleed but 'prevents' her from clotting as she should.....so needless to say she won't be doing contact sports, although other sports may be okay.

I do not know which statements you find to be a "poor choice of words".....I was the one that said the adults need socializing rather than the children....and I am not saying it to be mean....I am being honest in my babysitter's perceptions (as a previously home schooled child herself and also made this observation). I did not say they weren't nice people, I am merely saying that they have not reached out very much and in my case some people have been less than understanding about our sitatuation. Quite honestly, it is the non-verbals that bother me the most. There are a few people I would love to get to know better but the whole experience has been over-shadowed by the lack of effort. I am a very talkative person and make an effort quite a bit.....but I have not felt this uncomfortable since I was in high school. I don't feel I had a "poor choice of words"......I am just being honest. Maybe I am expecting too much from these groups. Maybe what I do with my friends is not the norm and I am expecting it from others when I shouldn't be. I am sorry if what I said came across differently than I intended it. I have met a couple of families who are "lovely" but if I don't call them or reach out to them, then I don't hear from them.

Thank you for those who offered to pray and don't get me wrong LEAH is a wonderful organization, but somehow the groups I have encountered have been disappointing to me. Maybe it is as simple as people not being utilized in their giftings. I have met great visionaries but they do not make good leaders. They have the vision and do not always know how to implement it. Some people can start a group but are very reserved and do not initiate conversations. While others are pre-occupied and do not think to. I am not trying to not be gracious towards them.....I am just hurt that I have to go through the same thing twice....first with a well-established, large group and now with a new, small group.

Please pray I will have the wisdom to know God's Will and that I can use this experience and grow from it somehow rather than it being an obstacle. Also please pray for my children who look so forward to participating and want new friends and are just not finding them. By the way, what makes this worse is that we have suffered a lot of loss this year with two close families moving out-of-state, friends who decided to "move on" to other new friends (and chose not to keep their old friends) and also my children are the only children at the church God has called us to. We have no cousins for my children to be "friends" with in this state. So, sometimes feeling isolated is overwhelming.....either for medical reasons or the lack of relationships lately.

I will keep HIS sports in mind, that is a good idea. Also you may have a point about them losing their focus on their purpose. God only knows.

Tammy

Rebecca
Posts: 163
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 7:11 pm
Location: western north carolina

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by Rebecca » Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:44 pm

Tammy,
I sent you a pm.
I am sending cyber hugs and I am praying for you.

One little thought I had was: Are you involved in a church? Maybe a ladies meeting would be a benefit for you and who knows- maybe some moms will use HOD after they get to know you!
SInce I have been here in WNC- 4 other moms have started using HOD... now- I can't take all the credit- but I think some of it is because of chatting with me! :wink:

Anyway,
Blessings and may you feel the Lord's presence and His strong arm and His might on behalf of you and your family tonight.
Rebecca

tmcg
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:47 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by tmcg » Sun Aug 16, 2009 11:04 pm

Rebecca wrote:Tammy,
I sent you a pm.
I am sending cyber hugs and I am praying for you.

One little thought I had was: Are you involved in a church? Maybe a ladies meeting would be a benefit for you and who knows- maybe some moms will use HOD after they get to know you!
SInce I have been here in WNC- 4 other moms have started using HOD... now- I can't take all the credit- but I think some of it is because of chatting with me! :wink:

Anyway,
Blessings and may you feel the Lord's presence and His strong arm and His might on behalf of you and your family tonight.
Rebecca
Rebecca,
Thank you for your pm and your post. You bring up some good suggestions, but there is only one other woman in our church that is not post-menopausal in our church and most are old enough to be my grandparents or great grandparents. My children are the only children in the church. I have a few friends there (one has college-aged kids and the others have grown children.....late 20's/early 30's). We are there because God called us there, not because it is easy being green.....oh wait that was Kermit's line.....not because it is easy to be in His Will sometimes. :)

Tammy

momof2n2
Posts: 273
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:54 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by momof2n2 » Mon Aug 17, 2009 6:55 am

The post with the poor choice of words is now missing. I guess it was edited. It referred to NYers as not being known for being friendly.
Charity LEAH is very activity oriented; I don't even know what else they offer. PCC LEAH has lots of Mom/Dad support meetings. Dad's breakfasts and Mom's prayer meetings, Chapter meetings with lots of fellowship and support. We live in Macedon, ourselves. I don't know what LEAHs are on the west-side. I do know there are some in the FingerLakes region. Sonshine LEAH sounds great, too. It seems like the "thing" in LEAHS right now are big-time co-ops. If that is their focus, then they may not be directing enough energy into support.
Could you start something? Our group has four Care/Share nights a year. There is usually a topic, although once a year there is curriculum share. For example, last year in early December, we had a meeting about sharing Christmas traditions. It was just moms, about 20 of us, in a circle, and we shared things that our family did. We had lots of talking and laughing and getting to know one another. We used to do them at the church, but now people volunteered their homes. Another meeting we played a group game together [very funny!!] and then we talked about the myth's we'd believed about homeschooling and coming to grips with reality. VERY moving. Anyway - it is just an idea how maybe since you are talkative and outgoing, you could draw out other moms. You never know which one might need a friendly family as much as you do! :)
I hope you find what you are looking for.

OH - I am editing to add this... I did mention that LEAH is not a service organization. I sit on the board at PCC and we hear occasionally from people who want to know what LEAH "offers." The point is the group only offers what the members offer. The board doesn't provide a product, so much as they make sure what is being offered is in according to God's Word, and to make sure that people have guidance for NYS regulations. Maybe your group has a body of homeschoolers who are in a burnt-out mode. That happens for a lot of reasons. I trust God will show you His plan for your family in this season, with or without a LEAH.

Fall 2015
DS 17 -gr.12 full time college student
DS 15- gr. 10 favorites from World Geo and World Hx.
DD 13- gr. 8 Rev to Rev
DD 11- gr. 6 CTC
DD 7 - gr. 2 Beyond
DD 4 - pre-K Rod & Staff and Phonics Pathways

tmcg
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:47 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by tmcg » Mon Aug 17, 2009 1:00 pm

Thank you for your furthe feedback. I would like to start my own group. Our church even sounds interested in providing a place for us to meet. I just am having problems getting the word out and getting Christians to respond. :( Any suggestions? I think most are already involved with LEAH or are not aware I am starting a group.

Tammy

momof2n2
Posts: 273
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:54 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by momof2n2 » Sat Aug 22, 2009 7:26 am

Hmmm - that will require a good deal of prayer. You don't want to seem like you are drawing people away from the LEAH group; you want it to complement it, or offer something unique, not challenge it.

What is it you'd like to see most? I'd focus on one thing and go from there.

Would your family like chess for example? You could contact the Rochester Chess Club and they could come out to the church and offer chess for a 90 minute period for a group of kids. Say 15-20. The moms could rotate in as disciplinarians, while the other moms either fellowshiped in the nursery or other room watching the younger ones, or maybe hire some people to watch the little ones while the moms did a short Bible study or devotional. I suggest chess only because it can be offered to a wide age group.

Don't necessarily start out with trying to manage or handle an entirely new homeschool group... start with something you'd like to see and go from there.

We are the only HSers in our church. It is a medium sized congregation with lots of different ages. We are in the Perinton area and there are lots of families with different focuses than what God has called our family to focus on. It is in incrdible challenge. I consider my LEAH my saving grace. Not that I hang out much at all with many of them, but I am always so comforted when I get the chance to talk to other moms about our struggles and joys. When we are being honest and vulnerable, we seem to support one another so well. While we do it so differently, knowing that we are all in the same boat of making sacrifices [based on the world's idea of a happy/easy/nice/etc. life] to put God's plan for our kids first just fortifies me. I hope you are able to find that, too.

Fall 2015
DS 17 -gr.12 full time college student
DS 15- gr. 10 favorites from World Geo and World Hx.
DD 13- gr. 8 Rev to Rev
DD 11- gr. 6 CTC
DD 7 - gr. 2 Beyond
DD 4 - pre-K Rod & Staff and Phonics Pathways

Tansy
Posts: 1029
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:11 am
Location: Texas

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by Tansy » Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:29 am

Tammy,
I know how you feel, the estrangement and prickly weirdness I moved from Rochester to TX 7 years ago, but upstate is My home from the finger lakes I grew up in to Rochester where I lived for years and now miss the lilacs every spring. (I worked in Macedon).

I think sometimes adoption is something akin to wheelchair... People want to be nice and yet they are super uncomfortable because:
They don't want to stick their foot in their mouth and offend you.
They don't know what to say so they walk away. Adoption is mystifying to people... how many times have you heard Oh what a lucky girl or boy to be adopted. How great you are for doing it blah blah blah... when they have no real understanding of your motivation.
Add special needs into the mix and people get scared, and you move into the realm of mind boggling to those trying to get to know you. I think people freeze and get all weird-ed out.

Yet I'm So glad to see your post I'm gonna ask my rochester fb friends what is available on the west side pity most of mine buddies are on the east side. But keep asking and reaching out I'm going to pray for God to send you at least one female homeschooling friend to help get you out of the house socialize you and keep your serotonin levels up.

I wonder if ARNI* would be also a place to look for support as they have events and play groups and other adoptive families that won't get weirded out. it is a secular group but you might find what your looking for...
*Adoptive resource network inc. (Rochseter, Hillside) it might be worth a call.

As a NY transplant I have to tell you the first few months I was in TX I was so freaked out. People "STRANGERS" in grocery lines talked to me... Men opened Doors for me!!! And people stopped asking me if my kids were adopted. It took me 2 years to get used to it. The *general culture* in upstate can be taciturn it's just part of the culture it's not the people.
♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫
Dyslexics of the world Untie!
Adoptive Mom to 2 girls
http://gardenforsara.blogspot.com/
♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫•*¨*•.¸❤¸.•*¨*•♪♫

tmcg
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 1:47 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by tmcg » Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:43 pm

Tansy wrote:Tammy,
I know how you feel, the estrangement and prickly weirdness I moved from Rochester to TX 7 years ago, but upstate is My home from the finger lakes I grew up in to Rochester where I lived for years and now miss the lilacs every spring. (I worked in Macedon).

I think sometimes adoption is something akin to wheelchair... People want to be nice and yet they are super uncomfortable because:
They don't want to stick their foot in their mouth and offend you.
They don't know what to say so they walk away. Adoption is mystifying to people... how many times have you heard Oh what a lucky girl or boy to be adopted. How great you are for doing it blah blah blah... when they have no real understanding of your motivation.
Add special needs into the mix and people get scared, and you move into the realm of mind boggling to those trying to get to know you. I think people freeze and get all weird-ed out.

Yet I'm So glad to see your post I'm gonna ask my rochester fb friends what is available on the west side pity most of mine buddies are on the east side. But keep asking and reaching out I'm going to pray for God to send you at least one female homeschooling friend to help get you out of the house socialize you and keep your serotonin levels up.

I wonder if ARNI* would be also a place to look for support as they have events and play groups and other adoptive families that won't get weirded out. it is a secular group but you might find what your looking for...
*Adoptive resource network inc. (Rochseter, Hillside) it might be worth a call.

As a NY transplant I have to tell you the first few months I was in TX I was so freaked out. People "STRANGERS" in grocery lines talked to me... Men opened Doors for me!!! And people stopped asking me if my kids were adopted. It took me 2 years to get used to it. The *general culture* in upstate can be taciturn it's just part of the culture it's not the people.
I grew up in the Finger Lakes area too! There were some people that went to my church from Macedon when I lived there. What years were you in NY? Most people are not aware of my oldest daughter is adopted, but b/c of the health issues of my bio kids (suppressed immune systems) it requires people to go out of there way. Some mom understood but others did not and i felt like I explained it but it did not translate into their actions. They would empathize but then they would go and let their children do something that could make them sick. The culture is way different. I was just hoping the commonality of being HS would be a bond. I am usually an outgoing person and tried to talk to the moms when I had a chance. Not sure what the issues is, but I am not into superficial relationships. Everyone does not have to be my best friend, but they have to make some effort. Oh well. God knows and I pray He will find us the right place. Thanks again.

Tammy

momof2n2
Posts: 273
Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2008 2:54 pm

Re: Is anyone out there from Upstate NY?

Post by momof2n2 » Sun Aug 23, 2009 7:09 am

Tansy - I live near Lollypop Farm... do you know the area? :)

Fall 2015
DS 17 -gr.12 full time college student
DS 15- gr. 10 favorites from World Geo and World Hx.
DD 13- gr. 8 Rev to Rev
DD 11- gr. 6 CTC
DD 7 - gr. 2 Beyond
DD 4 - pre-K Rod & Staff and Phonics Pathways

Post Reply