Writing/Need Encouragement

[snadig]

Hello wonderful Ladies.

Well I just need a bit of encouragement. My dd (15) is doing RevtRev this year, and I feel like it is a good fit, she could probably be in MTMM, but we have a few things that just cause her great stress. So that is why I have her where she is. She isn't really enjoying school, as it isn't fun! I think some of this is coming from she just doesn't want to do it. Her big struggles are writing and math. She has come along way, but really doesn't like school.

I will try to get to the point here. When math gets to confusing or stretches her she just shuts down and starts to get angry or cry. I sit right with her and try to keep encouraging her. Same thing happens with writing. She just hates it and tells me she can't do it. The thing is she can when it isn't an assignment. She has just jumped on the computer typed up a story for fun. Now it has many grammar and spelling errors, but she does it. It is so hard to know when you are pushing too hard, but how do you get over this hump?

It is funny this sounds just like me. I often wonder what the Lord is teaching me. I do plan on moving her into the Geography guide next fall even is it takes her longer to finish it, as I often wonder if maybe some things are just too easy. Most days if she puts her mind to it she can finish by lunch (3-4 hours school) with little help, but throw writing (creative or Rod and staff) and she will drag it out.

Well thanks for listen( reading) I feel better. I just need to keep moving forward.
Stacey

[MelInKansas]

My daughter is kind of like this about writing. We worked through so hard her getting her writing assignments done and starting them even without throwing a fit. What you said about mistakes kind of strikes a chord in me - part of what (I think) has made this such a struggle is me looking over her shoulder and correcting the spelling or grammar mistakes as she's writing. She really loses her train of thought and of course it's not nearly as fun to write something if you have to stop and make it "perfect" the first time. So we had to talk through the fact that perfection was not expected the first time through and she just needs to get her thoughts down on paper (but legibly!). Then I go over it with her and try to help her see mistakes, and then I edit any mistakes she missed. Then she copies it corrected for the final assignment. It does kind of take a while this way, though it was taking longer before and with many more tears, so we'll just keep going this way.

Does she say why she doesn't like writing? Again my daughter doesn't like it but sometimes once she gets started she really can just sail through it if she's not tired or hungry or something.

I think it's so sad that she doesn't enjoy school at all. Are there any parts of it that she does enjoy? You should ask her if it's too easy. I just can't imagine that Rev to Rev isn't interesting. I really find the books my DD is reading in CtC interesting.

Math is a problem too, but you can customize that as you need to. What math are you using?

[mrsrandolph]

My son is a struggling writer as well. I switched him to Writing Strands, and this has made all the difference in the WORLD to him. It is slowly paced and incremental. You might take a peek at it.

[Nealewill]

I agree with Melissa on the writing. When I first started to homeschool my oldest, she loved to just sit down and write stuff without me overseeing it. When it came to school time, she had so many grammar errors and spelling errors that I was constantly trying to correct it to make it better. Even some of her word flow wasn't the best. I was turning her paper into mine. That was unfair. And while my oldest is much younger when this all happened in comparison with your dd, she became completely paralyzed in her writing. In 3rd grade she did Preparing and I decided that she could write up whatever she wanted and I was going to keep my mouth shut about it. I wasn't going to go through and critique it unless there was something completely majorly wrong with it. I only corrected the more simple spelling words she missed and I only reminded her that every sentence had to begin with a capital letter. That was all. Was her writing great, not really but it set her free. She was no longer paralyzed. Then in CTC, my year started off a bit rough with Write With the Best. Again, I was critiquing way too much. I saw what other kids were writing about from that level and I was thinking there was something wrong with my dd because her writing wasn't nearly as fantastic. I was even to the point of dropping WWTB because it was stressful for both of us. But then after she completed the 2nd assignment and we started the 3rd, I got back to the philosophy that I needed to let Allie be Allie. I didn't go through and critique it heavily. I did help her adjust some of her word order or to rearrange some ideas. I did help with more spelling but I didn't make her fix every word. And I did also require a few more adjectives or replacing weaker verbs with stronger verbs. But in general, I limited my critique to 3-5 things per paper. Most of the time I stuck with three unless there were some glaring areas that needed significant improvement. I am not sure what your dd would think if for the rest of the year you decided not to change anything she wrote. Let her do it by herself without any help or any adjustments from you. Do you think that would free her up? Then the following year you could start small by having her fix things here and there. Writing is a challenging skill to learn. I was a terrible writer as a child, teen and even young adult. As I have gotten older and I write more, I have gotten much better. It also matters more to me now as well than it did when I was in school. I personally want to be able to communicate clearly and effectively. As she ages, it will become more important to her as well and I am sure she will naturally improve because of her own inner desires.

As for math - I have read so many times that there is no such thing as too much help. Ever since my oldest started math, she was math challenged. I was so pushy and I was always trying to help her figure things out but I wasn't actually showing her how to do stuff as much. Truth be told, we had used RightStart math since my oldest was in K and switched to Singapore last year (4th grade) when she did CTC. I really did like RightStart but it was too teacher heavy and the concepts got to be too challenging for the age it was teaching it. It was very CM though in some ways because it wanted the kids to discover math and make their own connections. However, I found that by me pushing her to make her own connections to the material, she just wasn't making them at all. She was crying almost every day during math and I was frustrated because she wasn't getting it. When we switched over to Singapore last year, she would still cry almost every day that involved fractions. I felt so bad for her because she would get so flustered and frustrated that she would just shut down right then and there. I couldn't even hardly hold her hand and walk her through it because she was so upset. But every day that she did fractions, I still tried to hold her hand and made a point to literally showed her exactly how to do things, even if it the assignment and not just the teaching. And I talked and talked and talk some more about my thought process of how I got there. With doing Singapore 4A and 4B last year for school, she struggled so much that I bought her the Singapore 4 Review book and had her do it over the summer. Now, I will say that over the summer, she came to those same things that made her cry during the year and she did shed a few tears here and there over the summer too. But in general, it was almost like my relationship with her had finally jumped over a hurdle as she was no longer scared to do math with me. We were able to go through some of those things that made her frustrated before and she gained more confidence to just guess at stuff even if she was dead wrong. I also worked really hard on not reacting when she did dumb things in math. This was REALLY hard for me. I would personally get so frustrated when she did dumb things that and a horrible look would just pop up on face. No words were needed because my body language was telling her that I thought she was stupid. I am not saying that this is what you are doing but this is what I was doing. Well, the reality was that she obviously didn't know what she was doing and she truly needed help. It didn't matter if I thought she should know it because clearly, she didn't. This year in Singapore 5A, she is doing amazing. I do have her sit near me almost every day for math. That way if she starts getting a blank look on her face, I can jump right in and help her before he defeats herself with negative thoughts. But in general, she needed that year also to just be able to use me fully.

I will also say that with all kids, it does seem like they have certain things they just hate to do. Consistently, my oldest has absolutely hated the history written narrations. On day 4, she has shed tears many times ever since we started them in Preparing. And there are days that it has taken her over an hour to complete them because she just didn't feel like doing it. But all in all, in her case with these instances, it boils down to having a submissive heart. We all have things in life we don't like to do. And I know that I am the poster mom for not handling things correctly when my kids get like this. For a long time, I handled them with anger. And again, I am not saying that you do this, this is what I did. That was clearly a recipe for disaster. But God has done an amazing work in me here. I no longer get so angry about things that I over-reacted to before. God showed me that I just don't view the world the same as her and my approach to doing things I don't like is very different. If I hate something, I do it first and get it out of the way first. My son is the same way as me. But my oldest, she saves the things she hates most to be done last and then lets it drag on and on sucking us all into her drama. I just couldn't take it! After praying about it and researching what other moms did in this same instance, I realized that I just needed to order her entire day. By doing this, it makes her day go more smoothly and she gets those things done that she hates much more quickly as well. Because written narrations for history are her current nemesis, I have her do the history reading box first every day. Then she does the history project, the independent history, rotating box, piano and dictation. By doing the history box first, she knows that she is getting the written narration done on day 4 first thing. It lightens her mood for the rest of the day. She has a much better attitude once it is done. Funny thing is though, this year in RtR, she does a written narration for science and has not yet once complained LOL. She loves doing those. But all in all, her day is runs smoothly once I find a schedule that works well for her. Maybe that would help your dd too. Have you set her schedule and the order she does her boxes in? That is one thing that my oldest needed done for her. I will also say that every year I have tried not ordering her boxes but it is very obvious after 2-3 weeks that she still needs me to do this for her. I plan to do this for as long as she needs. But I don't know if that might help your dd too.

[MelInKansas]

I really need to help my daughter with structure too. Since she has so many indepedent boxes, I don't really keep track of what order she gets them done in. She just has two blocks of time in which she's supposed to do them. But she really should work on written narration when she is fresh, and also use it as motivation to get through so she can do the things she enjoys more. Thanks for that reminder!

[snadig]

Ladies,

Thank you so much for your replies. It is just so encouraging to here from others who are in the mist of schooling.....My husband is a wonderful support, but it is also nice to here from other ladies.

We are taking one day at a time, and I am also trying to schedule in some breaks ( non-planned ) just to shake things up. We all get into ruts right. I do think the books are interesting to her (well most of them), but I also think some of it is character issues. I keep praying for the Lords wisdom in all this, as He knows best.

We do MathuSee, and as of now she is doing well. She just changed books and seems to be getting it so far, Praise the Lord for little victories! I am going to just kind of let her run with the writing in that I will grade very little. This is hard as she isn't great with spelling(neither am I), but dictation has done wonders. She tends to look at the mountain and say "I can't" and will miss the foot path that takes her to the top. We will just keep working through Creative writing, and then evaluate this summer which way would be best for writing. I do think she could do the writing in the Geography, but will she like it is a different story.

Again, thank you so much.
Stacey

[annaz]

I apologize if this has been stated, but I didn't have time to read all the response.

In troubled areas, less is actually more. My dd is NOT good at math, and after my aversion to it, MUS has worked wonders. I had to let go of all what I wanted to accomplish as far as what I deemed to be enough in that area and settle in on what and how much is good for her. So shorter lessons were really good. If you don't wish to let go of what you're using, then perhaps breaking the day up. Sometimes I'd let dd do half now, half later. DD went from almost failing to the 80%'s, sometimes 90%'s.

Writing is tough. DD is natural in that area, but not natural in an "essay" type area. She is a creative writer. So I tried to get her to apply what she knew in that area to her work in that I'd tell her, "think of it as...." Another idea is to start it for them. There is nothing wrong with modeling it until they get it. It could be done incrementally as well. Model it entirely, move to modeling all but the ending, and slowly remove your modeling and have them add until they get it. In a homeschool atmosphere, there isn't much modeling of assignments and sometimes that task and expectations are just too wide. Increments. If it's in the narration area, have her do it page by page or section by section. But I found modeling it works wonders. It really gives them something to work from.

Ann

[snadig]

Ann,

Thanks for your reply. This is very helpful, as I had forgotten about it. Mus teaches some of this, having them teach it back to you. I can do this In writing. I am really trying to seek the Lord here also, as I think some of what is going on is more character and some is the fear of not doing it "right" so I am thinking of not correcting as much, but maybe spelling.

We are doing creative writing right now and are just starting to get to the meat of the book. So these are all good ideas and reminders to think and pray about. THANKS to everyone for your help! She is doing really pretty well with her written narrations, and notebook pages. It really is just writing that she does not want to do.

Math has been pretty easy since moving up books, she didn't like fractions.