Really Need Advice!!

[aecastleberry]

We made the switch to HOD in January and absolutely LOVE the curriculum. We switched from MFW in order to have a true Charlotte Mason/Living Books curriculum. With MFW, my kiddos did a lot together and we all really enjoyed that.

My dd is 9 and almost through Preparing. It has been the perfect fit for her.

My ds is 8 and almost through Beyond. It has been the perfect fit for him.

HOWEVER...my kiddos really miss doing work together. My ds has dyslexia and that holds him back, where as my dd taught herself to read and write in cursive at age 3 and has always excelled. So putting them in their appropriate guides as far as their "placement" was easy, and their work has been great this year.

BUT - and this is a BIG BUT for us - because my kiddos are only a year apart, separating them academically has put a gap between them. My ds understands that he has a harder time with reading, but he is (almost ) always a great student. He works so hard and wants to learn. He knows that he "should" be able to do just about everything his sister can do, and so we see him losing confidence as she continues to plow ahead while he feels left behind.

While learning is important to my husband and me, our family is the most important. My ds is a gifted learner, and while we don't want to hold her back, it seems like maybe we should put them together again for the sake of their relationship and my son's confidence.

Would placing them in Bigger with my ds doing the Extension Pkg be a good option? (I personally would like to teach them together b/c I work from home as well AND have a preschooler in the mix.)

If I did place them both in Bigger...then what would be my option for the following year? Would we re-do Preparing with both and then add in the Extension Pkg for my dd? Would I skip Preparing with my ds and place them both in CTC?

It may seem crazy to everyone for this to even be a consideration - but my kiddos are as close as any twins could be. (They won't go outside to play if the other isn't coming. They won't eat if the other isn't eating. They won't be dropped off at a friend's bday party unless they have both been invited!) My dd is a great encourager and she loves to help her brother when he struggles. But lately he sees her help as him being behind. If they were working together, it would just be like they are helping each other because they'd be doing the same work. (My ds has enjoyed listening in to our readings of Grandpa's Box and the story time books - and he can answer just about all the questions as well as my dd and narrate back what we read. His brain is smart enough, it's just that his dyslexia hinders him.)

We are almost done with our guides so I'm struggling with what to do next. Has anyone been in a situation like this or have any insight or advice to share? Am I crazy to think about having my dd go "backward"? I just want what's best for both of them academically and relationally. (But please remember that their relationship is the most important to us!)

[LynnH]

This is a tough situation and I'm not sure there is a really easy answer. First off since they both are thriving in the guides they are in it is hard to recommend that you switch them. I think if you combine them in Bigger your daughter will not be challenged, even with the added extensions. Bigger is a jump from Beyond especially in the area of writing, so if your son struggles with that, then you may need to slow Bigger down for him which then would pull your daughter back further. If you did do Bigger this year then you would end up having your daughter repeat Preparing if you wanted to still keep them together. I think she would end up being very bored. CTC is a big jump from Preparing and so having your son skip from Bigger to Preparing would set him up for failure.

I have a gifted daughter and a son with mild CP and dysgraphia. They are several years apart so it is a different situation than yours, but he does know that he struggles with things more than his sister. Based on my experiences with my son I saw him become more aware of his struggles starting at age 8-9. He was in ps at the time and he asked to come home because he knew he was no longer able to keep up with the work as it got more difficult and knew he needed to be able to type things and work at a slower pace if needed. I wonder if you would have seen your son getting discouraged even if they were still together, just because he is at an age of more awareness. It seems to me that if they are together and move up to more difficult guides one of two things will occur 1) he will still get discouraged because now he will compare himself directly to his sister since they are working on the same things and she will read something quickly and when he will struggle with it or 2) she will end up helping him so much that he won't fulfill his true potential because he will rely on her.

Even if you did combine them now once they get to CTC I think you will need to let your daughter move on ahead because they have to do a lot more independent reading in CTC and it is very challenging reading. You will most likely have to make some adaptations for him in order for him to be successful.

I think if I were in your situation I would keep them in the guides they are in and emphasize to him that she is a grade older and so that is why she is working ahead. I would also keep working on whatever you are doing to re-mediate the dyslexia with him and reassess periodically and see where he is on the placement chart. I would keep talking to him about the fact that just because he struggles with dyslexia doesn't mean he isn't smart and help him to work through his feelings of dealing with that. When my son was really struggling with that we spent time reading bible verses about being fearfully and wonderfully made and looking at people in the bible and in real life that God used despite their disabilities or challenges.

[StephanieU]

Could you possibly adjust your day so they do have some things together? For example, do spelling/dictation at the same time. Let them both do storytime together maybe? If you have considered adding a foreign language, combine them for that. You wouldn't consider combining them for math or language arts, and I think with the independence HOD builds starting in Preparing, combining wouldn't be helpful long term... By CtC, you would probably find they are doing so much independently that using the same guide doesn't really help...

[countrymom]

I have a son who is dyslexic and another child who does very well (19 months apart) and I fully agree with Lynn. Trying to combine them will just create more problems in the end. The pp had a good point too - as they move forward in the guides there is a lot of independent work and your son will still probably feel their differences as your daughter finishes sooner with perhaps better work. Proper placement really is the key for success, especially with a child who has issues to deal with. I too would emphasize to your son that he is in a different grade than your daughter so the expectations for each are going to be different. If they were going to public school they would not be in the same grade, so homeschooling is no different. I did think for awhile on this and I really couldn't come up with a combining scenario I would recommend.

[Jennymommy]

Hi I also would not recommend combining. First, they are different...that it's awesome, and God's good plan. Second, there are surely other differences besides academic...male/female, artistic/concrete, etc. They will always be different, and never in life will they be treated as equal/same. I would emphasize the strengths he has, the need to do everything to the glory of God as his ability allows (the parable of the talents comes to mind), and to love what God has given him. Being in separate guides also allows them to share what was interesting in their day without competition. Some things to pray about for sure.

[farmfamily]

Just wanted to chime in that when I had my two girls combined, I think it was not a boost to my younger one's confidence: in fact the opposite was true. She continually saw her sister's notebook pages looked nicer and that her sister was able to write faster than she was. I was constantly having to remind her that she was 2 grades younger and shouldn't expect the same level from herself. When she had her own guide is when she really came into her own. My girls were combined through Bigger and separated after that (my older one skipped Preparing and younger one did it half speed).

By the way, Bigger is a big jump up from Beyond and I think your son will not see such a big difference between his work and his sister's once he starts. Beyond is very gentle, but Bigger is where it starts getting meaty. Your daughter will be able to be more independent once she gets to CTC, and you will likely spend more time working with your son than with her. You can encourage your kids to include each other in all the projects and activities. They can also say their Bible verses to each other to encourage each other. They can listen to the hymns together for Bigger. Possibly you could have your son do the painting in CTC if he is finishing his work with enough time left over. Combining storytime with Bigger and CTC is very easy too. All that to say that I agree with the others that keeping them separate is for the best if you plan to use HOD.

[mrsrandolph]

I agree that family relationships are most important. As long as you can challenge your older, go for it!

[Rice]

I'm going to agree with the majority of the others, and I'll share where our kids are at to help illustrate why.

Last year we started HOD. I was going to put all 3 oldest in CTC: 12yo DS, 10yo DD and 9yo DS. Then we found out (had it confirmed by testing that) our DD was reading only at a Grade 2.7, so pulled her back to Preparing before we started. By the time we finished 10 units it was very obvious that both the older DS and our DD needed to go down another guide. The oldest was showing Executive Funcioning issues (which had been there before, which is why we had him in CTC, but the switch of curricula made everything exponentially worse) and every day was frustration. Our DD also was extremely frustrated; she could deal with the information, etc. but her reading level made the workload overwhelming. We made the decision to keep our 9yo DS in CTC. He was handling it well and growing into the requirements quite well.

Fast forward one year, you can see by my signature where they are at. It is probably hardest on me (not them) to have them in guides in a different order than their birth order! Because they are each where they best fit skill-wise, they are content and learning well (though not without struggles, especially for our oldest). That's not so say we don't occasionally have the ""What grade is __ in and aren't they really in __? " etc. but we discuss it and explain how we've adjusted for grade level, despite the age on the guide and what level math they are in (at grade level), etc.

All that to say, it's far better to have them in the right guide, skill-wise, no matter their age! My DD and the 10yo are just 18 mos apart, too, and quite close in most other things. They spend much of their day together, too, and are much like "twins" even in looks. It has been quite strange (at least for me, mentally and emotionally) for them to be 3-5 grade levels apart in reading (the "wrong" way!) and two guides apart, but our DD is really improving and growing in Preparing, where DS would definitely be bored (he already finishes faster than the other two!) and there is no way that DD could handle even CTC at this point, never mind R2R.

I know there are some emotional issues to deal with when close siblings are separated, but you still have them in logical order, in a way that "makes sense" with the way their ages and skills fall. The reality is that it's what's best for them, not just academically, but emotionally and relationally for the reasons the other posters have already stated so well. Sometimes (like as they grow and become independent) what used to work so well no longer is ideal, and I hear your heart, wishing for what did work so well, but I think that even were you to switch to a more multi-age curriculum again you'd find that things have changed.

Blessings as you seek advice, discuss it with your husband and pray.

[Gwenny]

Choosing for them to remain in separate guides does not equate to saying that family relationships are not important. Some great ideas were given for having them doing things together or interacting together in different ways, at their own level. There are still many many hours in the day where they can be together.

[aecastleberry]

Thank you, all, for your responses. I was hesitant to even ask b/c I figured this would be everyone's advice and conclusion. Homeschooling definitely has its challenges, but being able to do what we need for each of our children (even when it's not the easiest option) is such a blessing.

Bigger and CTC here we come!
Blessings,
Amber

[Carrie]

The ladies are doing a good job of talking through things with you! These past posts may be of help to you too as you ponder your options.

Link: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=9343

Link: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7019


Blessings,
Carrie