my perfectionist balks at drawing in BIGGER

[queenireneof3]

My son (9yo) usually enjoys drawing, but has had such a hard time copying the pictures for his science and history notebooks. Yesterday he produced streams of tears over a map he was supposed to copy for his notebook! He says he is afraid of doing it wrong, not copying it well enough. This perfectionist tendency can be seen in every area of his life, so I know it is a character issue. We have conversations about this fear of failure/perfectionism every time it comes up, which is almost daily (in many different areas of life). I am obviously not saying the right things, because I do not see any improvement.

However, in regards to his notebooking, so far, I have let him use tracing paper to copy the images directly from the books. Then he colors it and pastes it into his notebook. I am wondering if this is an acceptable way for him to do his notebooking, or is there a reason I should make him copy it free handed?

Thanks!

[MelInKansas]

My 2nd daughter who is in Bigger now is the same way.

Honestly I think some of the early notebooking projects in Bigger, with the maps, are a little too difficult, especially just starting off the guide. I would allow tracing of the land masses and things on those. Then I had her color and label and draw the lines for the path each explorer took to the New World. The ones where they are to draw an animal or something I have her do freehand and she is okay with it, she feels like she can do an acceptable job of it. I bought really nice colored pencils for Preparing actually but she is using them for her drawings for notebooking in Bigger.

Difficulty is what causes some of these emotional issues. Meaning he is frozen because it is really hard for him right now. My oldest had this with writing assignments for a while. She would freeze, there would be tears, she couldn't even start because she felt it was always too hard. The way we got through it, besides pep talks of course, which you've already mentioned, is I said "I am right here to help you if you need it." I was basically her cheerleader. Even though she could finish the assignments on her own, I was always right there. I would tell her often, "You're doing great!" And I would praise the results like crazy. I would tell her "it doesn't have to be perfect, you just need to improve." And "I'm proud of you for doing your best." I tried to inject as much positive encouragement into that time as I possibly could. And "I understand it's hard, but you still have to do it."

I hope this is helpful.

[Nealewill]

I am not saying that you can't use tracing paper but I would try and make sure the tracing paper doesn't become a crutch. Last year with my son, he had the hardest time with drawing things. So I actually sat down next to him and showed him step by step how to draw it. That seemed to calm him down some. This year in Preparing, I have let him use tracing paper for some of the assignments but for other assignments, he has drawn things free hand. For me, I would pray about whether or not you think this is fueling an unhealthy addiction vs actually being helpful before you made a decision of whether or not it was okay to use tracing paper.

And like Melissa said, some of the drawing items are hard. You can definitely help your son if he needs it. I recently did help my youngest dd with the maps when she was drawing them. But she doesn't seem to need near the amount of help my son needed.

[farmfamily]

I have put two perfectionists through Bigger, and I would agree that some of the early notebooking assignments are some of the hardest you will see for a long time. Drawing is hard for perfectionists for sure - over the years we have seen far more tears in drawing than any other school subject!

The most helpful thing that I have found to do (aside from lots of praise), is to grab a piece of scrap paper, and slowly (waiting for my child if necessary) do the assignment myself alongside of them. I make sure to make a few "mistakes:" I will erase and redo some of it. The end result of my work on my scrap paper is "good" but definitely not perfect. This helps my perfectionists see that (1) perfection is not the aim, (2) everyone makes mistakes, (3) even if it's not perfect, it can still look nice, and (4) it's comforting to have someone there with you while you work. If I see their drawing going way off course, I will help them to erase and fix it.

Ironically my third, who is now doing Bigger, is absolutely not a perfectionist. In fact he tends to rush and do sloppy work. I have found that doing the same thing alongside of him helps him to be more careful.
HTH

[mrsrandolph]

I have a cure for this...TRACING PAPER!! Get some tracing paper from Hobby Lobby or a similar store, or order it online. He can trace what he is supposed to draw. I allowed my reluctant drawers to do this and it took the stress out of the day!

[my3sons]

Oh, little honey! He sounds all worked up over this! He really need not be. He is not a cartographer, and he is only a little boy. The purpose of the activity is not to reproduce a perfect imitation of the provided map, but rather to learn how to respond to what was read by doing the best you can to make a map of what was learned. The maps dc make need not be perfect, but rather the process of them thinking through and physically drawing/coloring/labeling their maps helps them better remember what they have learned. I'd personally not use tracing paper, as it seems to reinforce that the map must be 'just like' the one they are looking at, or 'perfect'. Instead, I have helped our son doing BHFHG by drawing the general outline of things for him, and my drawings don't look perfect either , which I think helps him know his final map need not be a perfect imitation of the provided map. Now that he is in Unit 12 of BHFHG, he can usually get started on his own on assignments such as these, but if not, I'll draw a rough draft on a marker board, so he can see perspective for approximately how big to make things. This kind of partnering with him makes it less intimidating. My drawing is obviously not perfect like the model either, so his need not be either. To give a recent example, here is Emmett's map where we were supposed to label South America later, after first drawing the rest of the map. As you can see, we didn't leave room for that and had to improvise! You can feel free to show this map to your ds!


On an earlier map, you can see the coloring went awry...


With my middle ds, drawing is a natural talent and a favorite pastime of his. You can see his maps back in BHFHG look much better...


However, I learned from my oldest ds (who can be more of a perfectionist) that my enthusiastic response to his finished map/art/drawing projects goes a long way to him feeling he did well! I did not respond this way to his attempts at art early on, and I have spent the last decade trying to undo that. Anyway, my happy acceptance of my youngest ds doing the best he can on projects such as these has him being quite pleased with his final projects (even though they are not always the best). What he has learned from the assignment is the same as what my more artistically inclined middle ds learned and probably more than my perfectionistic oldest ds I was hardest on learned - and that is the link to the history content we read.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts I have as I reflect on my 3 sons doing BHFHG through the years. I know my story won't be everyone's story, but I do hope something here helps! I guess the bottom line I've come to myself is that these assignments are meant to be enjoyed rather than endured to produce perfection, so whatever you can do to hop in and help him with this process, so he can get to enjoying it as he does it, I'd do! HTH!

In Christ,
Julie

[queenireneof3]

Thank you everyone! I lost my first reply...i will try to recap.

I tried your suggestions and we had a very successful science notebooking time yesterday. Thank you! I was able to explain to him that it doesn't have to be perfect, but the goal is to help him remember what he's been studying. Looking at the pictures you sent, Julie were super helpful to him. In fact my two oldest looked at your whole photo collection in that online folder and were enthralled. I think it was exciting for them to see other kids doing the same work as them. He had a totally different attitude after that: a "this is fun!" attitude.

Melissa, ive been thinking a lot about what you said about him freezing because the level of difficulty is too hard. I can see that in many areas in his life. I am going to work on being a better cheerleader for him and recognizing when he needs more help than I usually give him.a

I think the acknowledgement that the drawing assignments are hard at the beginning of Bigger helped me to to relax, knowing that we are not the only ones who struggled with the assignment.

thank you all! I love this forum!

[wonderfilled]

Thanks for this thread. This is so helpful for me since my son has a harder time with writing and drawing. I love to see examples of other kids work because it frees me up from expecting perfection (or even just my idea of what it should look like). I think I tend to help out a bit too much and while some of it might be necessary, I'm trying to have him do more and more on his own and he's surprising me.

[my3sons]

Oh, I'm so glad to read this! It sounds like your son is going to do just fine, and I'm happy any of my pictures may have been put to good use and helped!

In Christ,
Julie